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sWeEt aSs StOrY A Sweet Ass Story It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?” Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream “Oh Henry, Oh Henry!” Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, “Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff.” I said, “Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?” (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, “Oh Crackerjack, better than the Three Musketeers!” as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped? Baby Ruth! |
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oThEr jOkEs voodoo dick A guy is going to go on a buisness trip, and he doesn't want his wife to cheat on him, so he goes into a porn shop. He walks up to the guy at the front counter, and tells him his story, and asks for something that will work for sure, since he's going to be gone for several weeks. The store's clerk replies, "well I have one thing, but it's kind of expensive." The man asks "is there's anything else?" The clerk says "not that will for sure work." So the man says "alright, what is it?" "Well it's called voodoo dick. How it works is, you say voodoo dick, then say whatever part of your body you want it to fuck." Okay the guy says, and buys it. When he brings it home to his wife, she insists that it is not necissary. He explains how to use it to her anyways, and leaves on his trip. Later that night his wife was curious about the voodoo dick. So she opened it up, pulled down her panties, and said "voodoo dick my pussy". Instantly the voodoo dick starts fucking her. She has several orgasms before she wants it to stop, but she doesn't know how to get it to stop, and can't figure it out. So she decides to go to the hospital. She's driving there, the voodoo dick still fucking her and she's still having orgasms, When a cop sees how horribly she's driving, and pulls her over. He walks up to her window, starts telling her what she has done. When he looks at her and asks "what the fuck are you doing?" She explains about how her husband didn't want her to cheat on him while he was away, so he got her the voodoo dick, and how it works. She also explains to the officer that she is on the way to the hospital, because she can't figure out how to get the voodoo dick to stop. When she finishes he laughs and says "voodoo dick my ass." Big Leprechauns A man walks into a public bathroom and begins using one of the urinals. He looks to his left and sees a very short man peeing also. Suddenly, the short man looks up at the taller man, and the taller man is completely embarrassed about staring at the smaller man's penis. "Sorry," says the taller man."I'm not gay or anything, but you have the longest penis I've ever seen, especially on a man so small!" "Well," says the Leprechaun, "That's because I'm a Leprechaun! ALL Leprechauns have penises this size!" The taller man says, "Incredible! I'd give anything if mine were that long." "Well, what with me being a Leprechaun and all, I can give you your wish! If you let me take you into that stall over there and screw you, I'll give you your wish!" "Gee," says the man, "I don't know about that----aw hell with it, OK!" Soon, the Leprechaun is behind the taller man, just humping away. "Say," says the Leprechaun, "How old are you, son?" Finding it difficult to turn with the Leprechaun humping him so ferociously, the tall man says over his shoulder, "Uh-Uh, Thirty-two..." "Imaging that, " says the little man, "Thirty-two and still believes in Leprechauns!" |
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bLoNd jOkEs Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store? A: They are both 10¢ a screw! Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Hump-me Dump-me! Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!" Q: What's a brunette's mating call? A: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer." Q: Why is a blonde like a doorknob? A: Because everybody gets a turn. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic". Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead. Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A: Her feet! Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A: You can only put 3 fingers in a bowling ball. |
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